To The First Man That I Loved

Now, I completely understand and respect your decision to leave us.

Even after you left us, I found time to meet you just to make sense of everything- your line of thinking, your reasons, and why happily-ever-after can’t really exist. It was and is still hard until now, but I definitely accept why it happened. I accept that you already chose not to be with us but you left a lot of lessons that I can carry with me wherever I go.

Write Legibly

I can still remember how we spent almost the whole day just on teaching me how to write legibly. You showed me how talented you are because you can draw and do some lettering. I may still not have the best handwriting in the world but I really love arts until now.

yuehes1.jpgDream From the Rooftop

One lazy afternoon when we were just bored, we went to our rooftop and laughed a lot while my grandma and mom looked for us all over the house. There at the top, you would always tell me about your plans for our family.  I can clearly visualize your dream house, store, and car. This taught me to dream big, but this time I am determined to work really hard and make that into a reality.

Experiment when Cooking

I was always excited when I knew that you’d be cooking because you tried every way to make a simple dish different. Even if we have old bread that we can throw, you’d make a way to make it into something delicious. You were always the good cook in the family and I think that I carry this trait until know.

Travel As long As You Can

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I remember when I had my 9th birthday celebration, we surprisingly went on a boat trip. My first plane ride was also with you. You would bring us to long road trips or just a simple weekend city getaway. I know you were pissed at me for TAKING TOO MANY photos because even back then I wanted to have my fair share of photo shooting. I am still hard-headed until now because I love photos and traveling.

Save and Provide

Since I was 13 years old, you would always give me a huge amount of money for my allowance because you would never know when was the next time that you can give me money. That is why  I learn to budget because I know there will be days that I will have money and there are days that I need to spend my savings. I learned the hard way to look for ways to earn when I even didn’t have money at all. I tried to sell puto seko or homemade sandwiches to my classmates back in high school and college just to buy food transportation allowance, or (worst) tuition fee. Life was and is still hard, but I developed the resilience to find ways to survive.

Be my Own Hero

Since you left us, I tried to look for the strength, protection, and stability to all the guys that I have dated.  I was really afraid to live my life. However, I just realized that no matter how imperfect our relationship is, you have given me the necessary advice and lessons even if it is so painful.

I don’t need to look anymore because I found out that I kept on surviving no matter how difficult my life overseas is since these traits that I have been always looking for are just all within me. The fact that  I had the courage and the ability to pick up the pieces that you left, and strive to assume your role to support the family is indeed a blessing. It was and is still never an easy ride for all of us, but I am thankful for everything.

No money can ever buy the lessons that I have learned and I hope time can heal all our wounds.

Happy Father’s Day.

“Love does not have to be perfect for us to value it. The other person loves me as best as they can, with all their limits, but the fact that love is imperfect does not mean that it is untrue or unreal. It is real albeit limited (or) and earthly.”- Pope Francis

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